My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
