cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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