We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
