I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
