She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize