i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
