I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
