hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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