Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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