It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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