you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Alive.
So much puke
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
