help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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