And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As shirtless as possible
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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