So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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