One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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