A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
FUCK WHALES
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
