this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
