I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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