he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
