Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
