I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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