Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
