I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
