i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
