we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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