Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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