if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
