Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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