i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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