I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
