she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize