I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
