they need to just BURY HIM!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize