Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
