you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
