If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
