I queefed so loud it echoed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
