I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize