those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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