i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
