Ambien. No doubt about it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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