My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this just has baby written all over it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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