if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
