Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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