I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize