I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
