fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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