areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
