i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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