her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize