how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
