Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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