it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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