Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize