I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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