Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
