Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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