somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
