I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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