Dual....:-)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
