I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
