Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
