Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize