i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
