If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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