You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
A bitchslap is in order.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
