4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
