You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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