I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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